Ok - dating.. I'm not great at it.. I'm all sassy and upfront with a bit of dutch courage and that usually works for me.. Hell it works for most women - men are easy! When it comes to dating the ones I like then I'm a big ball of 'how quickly can I fuck this up and run back to my old ways and never learn a thing..'. I'm obviously conscious of all that and actively have random counseling sessions with myself about keeping my cool - don't sabotage - don't push people away because of the teeniest ridiculous reason ie: little britan boxer shorts - don't sell myself short and just settle because it's easy (learnt that one a lot!)..
So I've occasionally - since leaving The Texan - been seeing/ dating/ hanging out/ don't know whating a pretty great guy. It's casual - once a week - sometimes twice.. I had dinner and a sleep over with him last night.. All ok.. Not massively blowing my world - there is a bit of 'too cool for school' situation going on with the both of us I suspect.. Hello dating in your late 30's!! I'm also very cautious of really getting into anything serious right now - but I like him and happy to see what gives..
So the question is - all you lovely learned relationship EXPERTS: Can I date others? What is the go with that? If I sleep over with one but just dinner or have drinks with someone else with an element of flirting and sussing out if I like them.. is that kosher?
3 comments:
Ok, no expert here, I too am the master of self sabotage but I am going to have a crack at your question...
It may be brutal but I have taken this approach with great success.
If I like them enough to want it exclusive I simply ask the question in a joking sort of way "so is this it, are we an exclusive thing now?" Plenty of time to back down if it is not what they want or confirmation you are on the same page if it is.
If I want to keep dating others, I also say so. Generally approached from the other angle of "So, are you still hanging out with anyone else? Are you going to warp that up?".
This normally throws it open to discussion so you can set rules on how it works and what the expectations if you are both seeing other people while also giving you time to back down and agree it is exclusive while you retreat and look for an exit strategy.
Either way, you can't get in trouble for lying. If you or they expect it to be exclusive, then you both know early on. Like wise if it is just a bit of fun you also know.
I have found that mid to late 30's is fantastic for dating - I am having so much fun it should be illegal!
Ahhh that is so me right now! Except for one thing... we had a conversation really early on along the lines of 'friends with benefits'. We go on dinner dates for example, but I wouldn't invite him to my work xmas party. We can see other people, however I personally would find it strange if I was sleeping with someone else. Just a personal thing - I certainly wouldn't judge anyone else if they did.
I too am conscious of the self sabotage thing because usually I am really good at it. This guy is really nice, funny, fit (OK, he's BUFF!!!), calls me all the time and we catch up once or twice a week. Problem... I'm not excited about it. It's fun, but no butterflies... at all. Which probably means that it won't go any further than what it is a the moment. Speaking of self sabotage... he called me Friday night and I didn't answer, it is now Monday and I still haven't called him back. I suck!
I'll stop taking up space on your blog now and go write on my own :P
xx
Well my 2 lovely commenters - your words are very very much appreciated.. and in the light of day after discovering (well having it confirmed) that the Stallion is indeed just a 'friend with benefits' I can just say - watch this space for more tales of N's dating world!
Post a Comment