Dear Friends Who May Want Me To Be Social On the W/end,
Chances are I won't be able to walk. I sure as hell don't think my beer lifting arm will be working. It's also likely I will still be perspiring and gasping for air.. I know it's 24 hrs until we are due at the restaurant but I just got caned in the HARDEST 1HR AND A HALF PT SESSION!!! Ever.
help me...
That Girl who can't feel her finger tips..
Showing posts with label Letters to Post. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Letters to Post. Show all posts
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Letter to Post #7 & #8
Dear Little Shit At Work,
You may be older then me, you may be a bloke - you most definitely do not like taking directions from a woman. Suck it up!! I'm your boss and I really need done what I asked you to do days ago NOW. I know you're busy - that's why we are here on a Saturday. We're all busy. Prioritise and stop fucking answering back!!
Your Boss who won't be recommending you to othe productions in a hurry
Dear New Flatmate,
We are not living in a real life episode of Friends.
Your flatty who likes a lot of space
You may be older then me, you may be a bloke - you most definitely do not like taking directions from a woman. Suck it up!! I'm your boss and I really need done what I asked you to do days ago NOW. I know you're busy - that's why we are here on a Saturday. We're all busy. Prioritise and stop fucking answering back!!
Your Boss who won't be recommending you to othe productions in a hurry
Dear New Flatmate,
We are not living in a real life episode of Friends.
Your flatty who likes a lot of space
Friday, August 24, 2007
Letters to Post - Gym Etiquette
Dear Blonde on the Elliptical Trainer Next to Me,
It is NOT ok to speak loudly on your mobile phone while you are working out next to me. Especially if it is not a life threatening moment and in fact you are just speaking utter shit that I'm sure could wait an hour or so to spew forth from your mouth.
It is most definitely NOT ok to then ring another person and repeat the utter shit you just spent 15 minutes boring me with - and I suspect your first phone call recipricant.
Is it really necessary to keep calling people and then tell them you can't speak for long because you are at the gym? NO! YOU called THEM fucker. Hang up - concentrate on your workout and stop fucking bothering me. I don't give a fuck what Debbie said to John last night and that you can't bear to be in the same room as them. I especially don't care what you are doing friday night.
Regards,
That Girl Who Was Thinking Of Pushing You Off The Machine.
ps. And just because you have a killer body don't think for one moment anyone in the gym found you attractive - there was almost a cheer when you left the building.
It is NOT ok to speak loudly on your mobile phone while you are working out next to me. Especially if it is not a life threatening moment and in fact you are just speaking utter shit that I'm sure could wait an hour or so to spew forth from your mouth.
It is most definitely NOT ok to then ring another person and repeat the utter shit you just spent 15 minutes boring me with - and I suspect your first phone call recipricant.
Is it really necessary to keep calling people and then tell them you can't speak for long because you are at the gym? NO! YOU called THEM fucker. Hang up - concentrate on your workout and stop fucking bothering me. I don't give a fuck what Debbie said to John last night and that you can't bear to be in the same room as them. I especially don't care what you are doing friday night.
Regards,
That Girl Who Was Thinking Of Pushing You Off The Machine.
ps. And just because you have a killer body don't think for one moment anyone in the gym found you attractive - there was almost a cheer when you left the building.
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Letters to Post #5
Dear Advertisers/ Government/ Random Sellers
Seriously - stop trying to sell me shit based on the fact you will then carbon offset my guilt. I'm not buying your Y2K shite and I will take responsibility for my own footprints on this planet. I will do everything I can to reduce my own household and office waste. I have bought a fuel efficient small car. I pretty much look for the green alternative in all my products. What I am not going to do is believe that I can pay someone to plant a tree for me and then I am relieved of all responsibility. Full Stop.
That Girl Who Won't Be Told What To Do So Others Make Money.
Seriously - stop trying to sell me shit based on the fact you will then carbon offset my guilt. I'm not buying your Y2K shite and I will take responsibility for my own footprints on this planet. I will do everything I can to reduce my own household and office waste. I have bought a fuel efficient small car. I pretty much look for the green alternative in all my products. What I am not going to do is believe that I can pay someone to plant a tree for me and then I am relieved of all responsibility. Full Stop.
That Girl Who Won't Be Told What To Do So Others Make Money.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Letters to Post #4
Dear Crazy Steroid Taking French Man At My Gym,
I know some nights it is next to impossible to get a park close by to the gym.. I often have to drive around the neighbourhood a few times scouring for a place to park my little Jazz. It's frustrating. I agree. HOWEVER if I spot a park first and decide to reverse park into it I do not need you flashing headlights at me and driving your Van headfirst into the park and blocking my attempts at one of the worlds best reverse parking attempts! It's one of the things I'm very good at you see. I also do not need you to jump out of your van and come barrelling up to my window screaming abuse at me saying you had driven around the block to get that park. How the fuck was I meant to know! I also do not need you to call me a bitch when I say to you: 'How the fuck was I meant to know you drove around the block!'.
So I let you have the park. I saw another one about 50 mtrs away and really couldn't be assed to deal with you yelling at me. You really need to get off the steriods. Seriously. The fact that your arms are the size of my legs and that you have no neck at all is a slight indication you look like a fuckwit and the drugs aren't doing you any favours.
What I really didn't need on the way into the gym is you continuing to yell at me as I walked down the street. What was that about?? oh right. the drugs. But dude there is no need to carry on so much - especially when you're a little intimidating in size and clearly I HAD DONE NOTHING WRONG!
Regards,
That girl who seriously thought about key scratching your car when she left the gym but didn't.
Dear Manager At My Gym,
Thanks for the message the next day saying that steroid french man had his gym memebership cancelled and is now banned. Sorry to hear that he has made a habit of abusing women at the gym over the past couple of weeks - but I'm glad his smelly oversized body will now no longer take up space in my home away from home.
Regards,
That Girl who is grateful to have been the catalyst for you to get rid of Steroid Man - If you'd told me you wanted him gone earlier I would of worked on it for you!
Monday, May 7, 2007
Letters to Post #3
Dear 69something kg,
We've been here before. In fact I know most of my late 20's and early 30's was spent in your company. We've shared a lot together... overseas trips, great friends, several dead end jobs, 2.5 disastrous exes and countless even more disastrous crushes and dates.. What can I say?? good times - yep good times..
You were there for me when I finally found my career.. but in all honesty I think I've changed. I just don't want to be here anymore..
Sure we can make some out fits work.. and yes with a pair of heels and the right colour I disguise this relationship well.. I just don't think it's working..It's definitely you and not me. I've out grown you. I really don't have much in common with you anymore and I'm looking for something ... well a little bit more like the real me.
Sure I went off the rails there and flirted with 78kg for a couple of years.. We all make mistakes. Even though I'm here again 69something kg - I'm not staying. Sorry I'm just passing through. You can keep the clothes.
Take care,
Outta here!
We've been here before. In fact I know most of my late 20's and early 30's was spent in your company. We've shared a lot together... overseas trips, great friends, several dead end jobs, 2.5 disastrous exes and countless even more disastrous crushes and dates.. What can I say?? good times - yep good times..
You were there for me when I finally found my career.. but in all honesty I think I've changed. I just don't want to be here anymore..
Sure we can make some out fits work.. and yes with a pair of heels and the right colour I disguise this relationship well.. I just don't think it's working..It's definitely you and not me. I've out grown you. I really don't have much in common with you anymore and I'm looking for something ... well a little bit more like the real me.
Sure I went off the rails there and flirted with 78kg for a couple of years.. We all make mistakes. Even though I'm here again 69something kg - I'm not staying. Sorry I'm just passing through. You can keep the clothes.
Take care,
Outta here!
Monday, April 2, 2007
Letters to Post #2
Dear Running Man responsible for my accident the other week,
You Smell. I don't mean that in a 3 yr olds limited insult capacity kind of way..
Nor do I mean it in a Girl Teases Boy, Girl Really Wants Boy to Kiss her down by the Basketball Court (I was more the cricket pitch type because a) noone was ever near the cricket pitches and b) there is a very good reason for that - the sport is dull!).
No I mean you really really smell - seriously how long have you been wearing that shirt you were running in? It's never been washed right? Also is it really necessary to do that grunting thing you do ever 3 mins on cue? What is that?? I really wish you would stop - it's friggin distracting.
Thank you kindly
That Girl.
You Smell. I don't mean that in a 3 yr olds limited insult capacity kind of way..
Nor do I mean it in a Girl Teases Boy, Girl Really Wants Boy to Kiss her down by the Basketball Court (I was more the cricket pitch type because a) noone was ever near the cricket pitches and b) there is a very good reason for that - the sport is dull!).
No I mean you really really smell - seriously how long have you been wearing that shirt you were running in? It's never been washed right? Also is it really necessary to do that grunting thing you do ever 3 mins on cue? What is that?? I really wish you would stop - it's friggin distracting.
Thank you kindly
That Girl.
Monday, March 12, 2007
Letters to Post #1
Dear Guy On The Treadmill Before Me,
First off I admired, going by the timer on the machine, that you had been running at an awesome pace for 60mins.
I was also admiring your butt.
However when you left said treadmill I was more then a little disconcerted you had forgotten in your adrenalin haze to wipe your sweat off the machine. I was in the process of almost forgiving you as I grabbed a spare towel to wipe it down myself.. But I decided that was gross and thought I would just wipe the parts I would have to touch....
That was when I decided to get on the treadmill and realised quickly that YOU HAD DECIDED NOT TO TURN THE MACHINE OFF.
So thank you for my skinned knees and shins.
Thank you also for making me turn a brilliant shade of red - before my workout.
Mostly thank you for not being the only guy at my gym as I so did find it funny there were six others running on the treadmills next to yours who saw the whole thing.
Seriously - silly me for thinking you would leave the machine off for the next person. What was I thinking?
Regards,
That Girl
Dear Spin Class Behind The Treadmills At My Gym,
I know that you were all half way through an incredibly tough workout when you heard the almighty crash. I'm fully aware that it takes a lot of concentration to get through one of those classes.
so I apologise for the following:
That was my butt in black tights you saw being flung off the treadmill.
That was also my vain attempt to right myself when I fell a second time - resulting in the almighty crash.
I'm glad you all just pretended it didn't happen and went back to spinning. The less said the better really.
Kind regards,
That Girl with Skinned knees and a broken ego
Dear Me,
I'm so proud of the fact that once you recovered slightly from the immense humilitaion of landing with your face planted on a sweat soaked treadmill you managed to get up and do your workout.
You rock.
Love
Me
First off I admired, going by the timer on the machine, that you had been running at an awesome pace for 60mins.
I was also admiring your butt.
However when you left said treadmill I was more then a little disconcerted you had forgotten in your adrenalin haze to wipe your sweat off the machine. I was in the process of almost forgiving you as I grabbed a spare towel to wipe it down myself.. But I decided that was gross and thought I would just wipe the parts I would have to touch....
That was when I decided to get on the treadmill and realised quickly that YOU HAD DECIDED NOT TO TURN THE MACHINE OFF.
So thank you for my skinned knees and shins.
Thank you also for making me turn a brilliant shade of red - before my workout.
Mostly thank you for not being the only guy at my gym as I so did find it funny there were six others running on the treadmills next to yours who saw the whole thing.
Seriously - silly me for thinking you would leave the machine off for the next person. What was I thinking?
Regards,
That Girl
Dear Spin Class Behind The Treadmills At My Gym,
I know that you were all half way through an incredibly tough workout when you heard the almighty crash. I'm fully aware that it takes a lot of concentration to get through one of those classes.
so I apologise for the following:
That was my butt in black tights you saw being flung off the treadmill.
That was also my vain attempt to right myself when I fell a second time - resulting in the almighty crash.
I'm glad you all just pretended it didn't happen and went back to spinning. The less said the better really.
Kind regards,
That Girl with Skinned knees and a broken ego
Dear Me,
I'm so proud of the fact that once you recovered slightly from the immense humilitaion of landing with your face planted on a sweat soaked treadmill you managed to get up and do your workout.
You rock.
Love
Me
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