Some people who know me in real life know about this blog - mainly because I invited them here. After all it was just all about running for 3 mins and being proud of that fact and general musings on food, getting fit again and realising it's just not that hard to get healthy..
Because of that reason I find I self edit - quite a bit. I don't quite say exactly what is going on and for me that's not what blogging is about.. but if any of my real life friends are out there still reading then they'll understand the self indulgent crap I'm about to launch into.
I've been living on crazy street for the past 3 weeks. My heart is still pounding a million miles a minute like it started too when work began to wind up. It's not all about the change of employment - I know I've given myself at least 10 weeks off before I start looking again. I've always been a restless person. There's always been a search for something better or more entertaining. It drove my mother nuts when I was a teenager as much as it drives my best pals nuts now that I'm into my 30's and 'not settled down.' To their defense not one of them want me 'to settle' just for the sake of it or to make anyone else happy. But I can tell they worry.
I've always had this feeling that something is around the corner.. something new is about to happen etc.. sometimes it does - I've moved countries twice, I've change jobs - within my industry - often, I've had quite a number of wonderful long term relationships and one that just about destroyed me. Sometimes I think I blame my innate sadness on him but I know better then that..
Someone very close to me who I've been spending a lot of time with over the past couple of weeks finally said words that have been dancing around in my head for some time. To paraphrase: It's time that you realise your age and started making better decisions about what you want. Don't settle but grow up.
At the time the words hurt me and there were tears.. Only because I know they're true.
normal superficial ramblings of nothingness will commence shortly..
3 comments:
N - live your life the way you WANT to, not the way that you think you should or because someone else tells you you should..... your life sounds very fulfilling to me.... and what does "grow up" mean anyway? Get old and boring? I am sure that isnt what you want from life....
Suexxx
That's been my motto for years Sue - it really has - and I've had a fun life so far.
I can't stand the idea of getting old and boring so I'll be avoiding that! well the boring part I hope.
I think this is more a mid 30's should I - shouldn't I have a baby musing.. amongst other random crapola in my head right now!
I agree with Sue. Don't let other people guilt you into following a path you don't want. Maybe they define being grown up as being married and having children, but a 16-year-old can do those things. Does that make her more "grown up" than you?
If YOU are happy and content, that's all that should matter to friends and loved ones. If you aren't carrying a mortgage or a baby, that means nothing as far as whether you're fulfilled. Only you can determine that.
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