It's done. 4 years just got whittled down to probably less then 10 mins.. Started with the cliche 'We need to talk'. Ended with him going to bed and me now on the couch feeling a mixture of relief, dread still and shell shocked - kind of. There was nothing else that could happen. I had dinner with a girlfriend tonight quickly after work - and while we talked about where my head was at we didn't really get into it.. except I told her of my plan to have the conversation with him tomorrow night over dinner.. As soon as I got home tonight I felt him wondering.. I felt him thinking 'will she kiss me hello', I heard in his 'How was your day? - What is going on?'.. I just blurted out 'We need to talk' - Fuck it I'm a bad movie line!!!! He said he knew.. he knew something had happened.. I said nothing has happened apart from me realising - and that I hope he does to - that we are not suited to each other. We are not intimate. We are good good friends. We are good flatmates. But we are not partners. We are not a relationship. It is not fair on either of us - especially at this age - to be in something just because.. He went to bed. A brief 'We'll talk about the car and living arrangements later'.. I don't know what is next.. flat hunting? a world of guilt and pain? relief? feeling like an arsehole? moving on?
I just know it was the only option and the right thing to do..
8 comments:
darling one - thoughts are with you - deep breaths for you and lots of love from me- be nice to yourself. You are so couragous and brave.
it's a hateful time, but you've done the right thing babes.
the next while is going to suck but then you'll be better.
this too shall pass.
*snort* what a cunt of a thing to say.
mwah xx
missfee - bless love! thank you.. I'm breathing.. just!
Kitty - wise words my dear and heartfully taken xx
Try not to be so hard on yourself, I know it is easier said than done. Wishing you all the best.
I realize that when I tell you not to feel like an arsehole that you will say, "But I do feel like one and I can't help it."
In the end, though, if you stay in a relationship to avoid the unpleasant side effects of a break-up, then that's REALLY being an arsehole.
You deserve a passionate, loving, respectful relationship. Settling for something that's comfortable is doing yourself a great disservice.
Yes, you're going to feel awful for a while. And you may even second-guess yourself. But take a moment to congratulate yourself, just a wee bit, for being brave enough to give yourself the opportunity to find what is out there, waiting for you.
Barb - thank you thank you.. i'm trying.. x
Cupcake - can you come and have tea with me and tell me wise wise words everyday!? :) I envy your students!
Congratulations on a brave move, N. You did very well :)
The question is this; Is there anything other than "we need to talk" that you can say in these situations?
My heart goes out to you mate. It is fucked, it is hard and is going to be full of pain and doubt.
Do you know what the up side is? You deserve the intimacy, you deserve the love and it will come your way.
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