but wait... there's more..

So Christmas night - a number of beers and champagne were under my belt - plus a decent amount of Ham and potato salad. However I was remarkably underfed compared to Christmases of the past! I'm looking at my Teenage Love as he is reciting something I have heard so so many times and originally came from him 2 decades ago.. 'I love you - but', followed by a deposition on the what and why's of his love life history, my love life history, our love life history and the probability of it being a mistake again (well this is my surmising - note to potential lovers DON'T DISCUSS THIS WITH ME AFTER 10 HOURS OF ALCOHOL). All I'm thinking is: It was not my idea to invite him into my life! So it was as all good people do on Christmas day - we had a fight. It's all a blur to me.. He packed his bags - we may have yelled at each other.. we eventually calmed down and made up. I have no idea what kind of train wreck just happened.. History may shed a light..

When I was 20 I thought I had the love of my life.. Until he cheated on me (with someone I considered a friend and used to have sleep overs with him at her house during the first year of uni!) and pulled the rug rather sharply out from under me! I fell - it fucking hurt and I was humiliated. The world changed. I took a very long time to ever seriously date anyone again. I became fickle and flippant and then when I did date - I cheated. It's pretty much how I handled relationships. Getting in first to sabotage became a speciality - sometimes rather more dramatically then others. Most times disastrously. So here I was having a conversation that started with him wanting a baby to a roller coaster of thoughts about us as a couple. Jesus! I'm just dealing with having you in my apartment after 17 years - I was no where close to picking out linen! I don't even know how he takes his tea!

I don't think I have traversed so many different emotions over a just a few days.. Of course my break up with The Texan is still kind of present.. then dating the Italian and figuring out if that is real and then my past walks in and wants to talk about it all!! and wants a baby! Fuck me someone call Oprah!