My willpower is fairly erroneous at the best of times.. Not unlike most people on a weightloss and exercise regime - there are great days, good days, so so days and days when I know better! Food I can pretty much stay on top of - if I'm in control of it.. Luckily I love eating healthy, I love sourcing new recipes, I'm keen not to ingest bad fats and too much sugar and salt - that all makes sense to me.. 99.999999% of the time
It's no secret I love a wine or 3 (thousand) - it is definitely my biggest undoing.. I don't binge eat after or during drinking.. why bother when 4 glasses of wine is equivalent to a days recommenced calorie intake! When I lost all the weight 2 years ago I was actually excellent about giving up or taking it easy on any type of alcohol..
So then what happened?
Well The Texan and I were on our way to splitsville and I wasn't so sure how to inform him of that or move out of the house we shared. Red wine is good for evenings of couch sitting, pretending everything is all ok..
Then I did tell The Texan it just wasn't going to work anymore.. Red wine is very good at hiding the guilt and 'oh fuck what have I done' moments..
I started not being home a lot when I was in the process of finding a new home - this meant going out with friends inevitably leading to 'a few drinks with so and so'.
I moved into my new home and celebrated being single. With Vodka.
I started dating.. usually in the form of throwing dinner parties, going out to dinner, visiting new dates home -- most occasions involving 'Would you like a drink?'.
Now I'm going through a phase that generally happens with me when I'm seeing someone.. I sometimes throw caution to the wind for fun and life and if a cheese platter is put before me - while I think about it more then I ever have - I consume.. I'm careful but really - I should know better! Plus I love to buy treats - and if I know a lover has a thing for little naughty chocolate biscuits then I will pick some up at the market - especially if they are from the french patisserie.. It's like I get to shop vicariously because I can't buy those things for myself.. of course I tried one when he opened the packet!
Then this morning when the Italian makes pancakes with bacon and maple syrup - while I know I have put on 2 kilos from our holiday - I don't say no.. I need to work on Miss Will Power and invite her back into my life - hoping she can bring a good plan with her like the good old days.
I have no dinners or functions planned this week - of which I'm actually very happy about!
Anyone know a good hypnotist?
1 comment:
You're very lucky to have an extensive knowledge of nutrition. Often people forget liquids altogether, or oddly, think a diet drink will change a whole meal. Until recently I was one of those folk; after a whole year away from alcohol I came back with a vengence. Now I know better. The calorie intake (thankfully I'm a big boy who has a 3000 calorie daily threshold) in alcohol is surprisingly high and it is the worst kind of calorie - an empty one.
All the good things in life take a toll on the body and mind. I guess the same can be said about the bad things. Hm. Theres just no winning.
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