parallel lives.. but not really

Warning ***this post is brought to you with a touch of melodrama mixed with homesickness and a tip toeing dance on the moral high ground. Plus there's a hint of self righteousness that is hard not to miss. Fuck it read on... I'm in a mood.

I’ve been thinking a bit today about having dinner with the long ago ex last night. I’ve mostly been thinking about the girl I was when we were a teenage couple and the one I am now. Plus I was on iChat for part of the day with someone who knew us both a million years ago and was aghast (I had a bet today to use that word in some form!) to hear I had caught up with him - considering the rocky painful break up we had. But 16 years is a long time to hold a grudge! Especially when you accept that some of the most painful things that happen in your life really lead you in a different direction then you would of been heading and generally that’s the direction you should be going.. There’s always a lot to learn - not all of it welcomed.

Since I dated this person he dated a lesbian and traveled the world with her (his words), he thought he was gay and 'worked on it' for a year or so, he was married for approx 7 years.. cheating on his wife and subsequently divorcing. Since then he has been in pursuit of much younger woman and repeating the same pattern he did with his wife - and myself and probably every other girlfriend he had in between! He’s not a bad person but I’m thankful I never married him and I’m also thankful my best friend never married him! Though she was clever - to date she's been the only one that ever dumped him!

I myself have had a fairly checkered relationship history.. mainly because of an insane choice of unsuitable partners! Over and over again - like crap story reruns in the Bold and the Beautiful. None of them were bold or beautiful in hindsight! Try convincing your mother that dating a psychopath with a death wish is a good idea.. Or a politician. Not sure who was worse out of those two. Only two others have been decent men and those two I never treated so well. Though the lessons I learnt from that are ones I remind me of often and which keeps my current relationship with an exceptionally kind, generous, accommodating and dependable crazy-for-putting-up-with-me man one I cherish.

So it was interesting last night to listen to someone who was still essentially repeating a pattern he began in 1988 and that once upon a time I thought I couldn't’t live without him. I still have a lot of lessons to learn but I’m so grateful for some of the head trips I've taken to get to this little part of my life.