it's not that I'm picky...

Fuck me - yesterdays house hunting mission was disastrous!! I now envision weeks of pain.. I knew it wasn't going to be easy - having endured looking for a house only 10 months ago.. I knew the prices were going to be ridiculous. I've scoured the internet and spent hours fantasising about the rent I paid in the 90's.. albeit back then I was a poor poor student who begged for bread from her local chippy..

I started with my well researched list of possibilities at 8.30 yesterday morning..

Flat 1 - 'Art Deco Charm' $310 per week - turned out to be a filthy, grotty, 70's lino and yellowed walled piece of crapola only worthy of squatting in if you had absolutely NO INCOME. How the F do they justify renting a place like that for $310!! When the agent opened the door I walked in - surveyed in 5 seconds and turned around and walked out. The crowd behind me waiting to inspect chuckled at me hightailing it. I'm sure the second they all clocked eyes on the place they too would of made a hasty retreat. Cue: going to get coffee - this day is going to be difficult and long.

Flat 2 - 'Browne Street' $330. Lived up to it's name. Oh and was entirely tiled throughout! If I was Dexter maybe this would work for me... Only upshot was meeting the real estate chick that was also showing me two more on-paper promising properties later that day.. Cue: going to eat overpriced breakfast in this suburb I insist on living in..

Flat 3 - 'One bedder on main street' $250. Fizzer! anything that 'cheap' is too good to be true - plus the showing agent was late and I had a 10 minute gap to get to the next viewing I knew would be better suited to me..so I didn't bother.

Flat 4 - 'Bright and Cheery Art Deco' $330. This place is in one of the oldest buildings in the neighbourhood.. and so far the oldest I'd seen on this day.. and it was in the best condition - immaculate - attention to the old art deco period was perfect. nothing ruined. so spotless it felt like a brandly new built set. Good size bedroom and study. Okish size lounge room and I could work with the bathroom and kitchen. Only thing is there was no instant 'outdoors'. See I have a thing for needing breeze.. for needing an open back door - a balcony preferably. This most gorgeous of apartment had all it's doors opening up on an internal dark oak stairwell.. I would feel caged in. Not good for Miss N. Major bonus though is that it is 5 doors up from the best friend and her perfect courtyard.. Head to Princess D (bestie) for tea and swearing about the rental crisis..

During tea at the Princess's house I get a phone call from the real estate that showed me Browne st and that I have 2 other appointments booked with. Apparently real estate chick is sick and going home so unable to follow through with showings.. Honestly she looked and sounded perfectly fine when she showed me the dog box earlier today! One of the apartments I was desperate to look at, and possibly even apply for sight unseen because I know the building, is right next to the real estate.. so I ask if someone else could spare 5 mins to show me.. no. simply no. CUNT - who gets sick in real estate on a saturday!!! ---exact words I said to Princess.

So flats 5 $390 and 6 $355 were out... for now.

Flat 7 - another 'Art Deco Charmer'. $300 - waiting outside with other flat hunters.. a couple I have now seen at most of the other viewings... we're talking like old mates.. 'what did you think of hazel street? what a piece of crap and for that much!'.. we are waiting and waiting and waiting.. no sign of real estate person to show us through. I call them. Apparently Rentals department closes at 2pm says the chick in sales. It is now 2 and the scheduled time for open inspection. I point out to sales chick that the listing from the agent has this appointment scheduled. She takes my number - calls now probably-in-closest-wine-bar-having-a-weekend property manager and then calls me back - apparently the tenant is meant to be showing us through.. We buzz.. and buzz no answer.. stand around for a minute or so more and then collectively go Sods this! and we're all off..

I can my 8th viewing - it's $400 a week and potentially perfect - but I really really don't want to spend that much on my own without fucking purchasing the place!!!

Take a bottle of my favourite wine of the moment - 2006 grant burge merlot - to the Princess's house and watch a DVD with her and her husband. Looks like the hunting is going to take some time.. fuck bugger fuck..