RUN MORE: Things that can happen at Mario's in Fitzroy...

So after the gallivanting around the gorgeous peninsula I returned to Melbourne suitably in need of sleep and lots of it. I had a breakfast date planned with an old friend . As my other dear friend who was billeting me for the weekend lives in Fitzroy my breakfast companion friend suggested Mario's for said breakfast meeting. This suggestion was quickly scoffed at by my hosts with warnings about attitude and rudeness in regards to Mario's staff. I have a bad habit of not taking advice... I've also encountered rude staff before and have learnt to shrug off other peoples attitude.

For the record I am NOT one to care if a cafe is 'legendary' because it's been around forever/ supposedly does the best coffee/breakfast/crazy staff - such descriptions usually ring wanker alarm bells in my head and I quickly avoid avoid avoid... As I was more interested in the company of an old friend I just went with the flow of the suggested cafe..

My friend was running late, it was a gorgeous yet chilly Melbourne morning so I joined my hosts at Atomica a few doors up from Mario's - a restaurant that was once the scene of an exploding orange juice machine with the pulp flying in the direction of yours truly. Obviously I have a good time in Brunswick St each time I'm there. After a much deserved and satisfying coffee I took to the cold and trotted off to Mario's in search of conversation and more coffee.. I was early. I'm always early. It's a curse I've lived with for too long. I bought the paper along the way and then headed in doors and up to the counter...

Impertinent Barista Behind Counter: Can I help you?

N: Just a table for 2 please..

Impertinent Barista Behind Counter: (pointing to a man with his back to me chatting with a couple at another table)
He'll be with you shortly..

a couple of minutes pass... I'm casually reading the front page of the paper - over and over again as I didn't want to commit to start flicking through it until I sat down.. I'm glancing at the man who is apparently going to 'sit me' - he doesn't know I'm alive... Oh but wait he's just seen me!!! oh goody I should be so blessed he's going to free me from standing in between a sea of crowded tables. He doesn't look pleased.. The Impertinent Barista mentions I need a table for 2 and promises are now made by the waiter to 'sit me' shortly.. wow - how lucky am I?

another couple of minutes pass... the waiter is now back talking to the couple - with his back to me.. the news on the front page is just not going to get anymore interesting and there is no way I'm going to resort to reading the sports page.. plus I'm still not willing to go to page 2 until there is a coffee on it's way.. The people at the tables that I was hovering above are coping with my intrusion into their personal space - just. Suddenly a couple at a nearby table rises and departs. This could be my big chance!

another couple of minutes pass... but all looks good - dishes are being cleared - a new table cloth is laid.. the waiter brushes past me - I'm thinking he's going to say something along the lines of 'just a minute while we get the table ready..' he says nothing. I get nothing.

another couple of minutes.. I'm now deeply entrounced in the finance section quite in awe of the stock prices of Rio Tinto... when the cafe doors open (where the hell is my friend!?).. in walk 2 lovely lasses and they are PROMPTLY sat by the waiter at the table that was just recently cleared and reset. WTF??

I'm looking at the back of the waiters head as he hands the lovely lasses menus and then heads back to chat to his favourite couple. I walk over and gently tap him on the shoulder..

N: Excuse me but I'm still waiting for a table.. (gesturing to the new patrons he just sat - OBVIOUSLY indicating that I had thought - seeing as I had been standing in a crowded restaurant for a good 5-10 mins by now - I would be given a table before anyone who had just walked in off the street AFTER ME.)

Waiter: (with disdain)
Is your other party here?

N: Well no - but he's not far away..

Waiter: Well then sorry I can't give you a table until your full party is here.

N: (looking at him as if he'd just told me I'd forgotten to put clothes on that morning and I really should have, as he walked away)
Oh..

Clearly a little more then perturbed I stood there suitably aghast - and getting hungry! He noticed my incredulous look..

Waiter: Miss (??) it's our policy not to give tables to anyone until they are ready and want to order.

N: I AM ready and the moment I sit down and get away from standing amongst these tables and the other customers who have had to put up with me shuffling the paper for 10 minutes - I am more then ready to give my order for coffee and breakfast for myself and my guest who will be here any minute..

Waiter: (completely uncaring and dismissive)
I'm sorry. No.

Off he went back to his favourite couple. There I was standing.. waiting.. furious.. a tad embarrassed as the exchange between him and I was in earshot of everyone - considering I was standing in the middle of a crowded restaurant waiting to be 'sat'. Not to mention by now there was yet another table free and reset.. just waiting for that much desired couple who are organised enough to arrive together! There's just so much to aspire to in life..

N: (Loudly, annoyed and over it)
I want bother then. Goodbye.

I stormed out.

I stood outside the restaurants glass windows and outside dining tables, dialled my friend and explained we would not be eating at Mario's because it was in fact possibly one of the rudest environments I've had the displeasure of entering and that I don't equate legendary-because-the-staff-are-obnoxious-and-vile cafe status to a plausible enough reason for me being treated like shit. I just wanted coffee, breakfast and my friends company.

As I was ranting this my friend hopped off the tram next to the cafe, hung up his phone and joined me outside the restaurant.